I see you all staring.
I like to think it's 'cos I’m pretty, or because I have a big cold sore on my lip…
But I know it’s not.
It’s my hair.
My GREY hair.
(And maybe my try-hard ponytail...)
I’ve never been good at hair. I never had that regular 6 week cycle where I would go and get it done. I never made the time to do it at home. I always had bad roots and messy hair.
Now I am trying to grow it, from shaved sides with a fringe, to … I dunno.
A bob type thing I guess.
See, even my descriptions are all wrong. I don’t know "on trend" styles, nor do I care. I always go with what works, or at least with what I can be bothered dealing with.
I’ve had it short for years but have very randomly decided to grow it. Random because I actually love my short hair. It’s so easy and I never have to fuss over it. For some reason I think if I am going to grow it longer, it has to be now. Over 35 years olds can’t suddenly grow their hair apparently.
With the decision to grow, came the decision to leave be.
I will no longer dye my hair.
I first dyed my hair for a part in a production. I needed to be really blonde. So, at 15, I did just that. Went really blonde… And had regrowth constantly because I suck at the cycle thing remember.
I have been dying my hair ever since. Actually even before that we always tried the ‘natural lightening’ or the ‘lightening mousse’. God, so so young. Apart from the grey, I couldn’t even tell you what colour my hair actually is. I think it is a mousey brown... well it was in year 7…
But now, now I’m all grown up and I am growing it and I am leaving it well alone. I don’t want to suddenly have grey regrowth, so I figured the growing and the greying should all happen at once.
It really is funny how upsetting other people find aging women. Like my grey hair suddenly reminds people of their mortality and they need me to go back to colouring to keep them young and in denial. Grey hair really isn’t a big deal. You know what is a big deal? Poverty and domestic violence and mental health… but that’s a whole other blog so I won’t get started. Ha ha ha!
So I see you all staring.
And I embrace your stares.
We can have a conversation about it if you like? About how society has certain standards for woman, and how there are some of us who challenge those ideals and want to live more freely. We can talk about how beauty comes in all forms, how it is an immense privilege to grow old and how much I am embrace my age and the wisdom that comes with it.
That’s ok too.
I know you are uncomfortable.
I wont make you feel worse.
I am a hot grey mess.
And I embrace it.