It’s been a tough week.
This Mum gig is hard, especially now that I am working more.
All week my daughter cried before going to school.
My son was devastated that I was to miss his assembly on Friday,
and cried that he missed me and wanted to spend more time with me.
My house was a messier than normal.
I was late replying to texts.
I had to organize Vacation care for the school holidays.
My washing pile resembled a small mountain.
I was drowning, and I was emotional.
So I asked my stepson if he could go to Ollie’s assembly, and on Thursday evening I cuddled and kissed them both, I held them close and told them I loved them. On Friday afternoon my daughter happily went to spend time with my sister and her cousin, and my stepson sent me a few photos and a message saying that he and his Grandad had gone to the assembly, and that Ollie had read wonderfully.
for this beautiful blended family that I am a part of.
and let out a sigh of relief.
My sisters and friends messaged me to ask if I was ok
and reminded me that this too would pass, and I smiled.
That night my bestie brought over cheese and wine
and filled my house with chaos, love, and children,
and I felt my heart fill.
As I kissed my husband goodnight he whispered that I was loved,
and as I curled up in bed, I had a clear mind.
but what makes it easier is the love and support from my village.
Mum guilt is a real thing.
It doesn’t matter how many people tell you there is nothing to worry about, or that your kids won’t even remember these times. It doesn’t matter, you feel those heavy emotions all the same. Sometimes the worry of getting it wrong is overwhelming. A workmate described it as a dread in the pit of her stomach at night, and I knew exactly what she meant.
As rational as we can be about these situations we find ourselves in, as Mothers, we can still have our heart strings pulled by our little loves. Sure we are working to give them a better life, or to keep ourselves sane, to save for a holiday, or to continue in our career that we worked so hard on before their wee faces came along, or just to role model to our little loves the awesome we can do... but that doesn’t stop the conflict in our hearts. Those feelings are real and should be acknowledged.
The thing to remember is to put your hand up when you feel them. To stand up and say ‘Hey, I need help over here!’ Tell your people, and let them hold you up.
I had the resources to fix the problem, but only if I acknowledged it, and asked for help. And when I did, my golly did my people show up.
For that I am always grateful.
Michelle x
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