And with that comes disconnect.
Disconnect from self.
Disconnect from family.
Disconnect from friends.
Disconnect from loves.
I recently went back to work. We had two mortgages. Our house sold but we lost money. Phillip's work was stressful. Then we moved house. Soon after I got more work. Suddenly we realized how much needed to be done on our block.
So as my husband and I each sat in our own puddle of self-pity and stress, we drifted further and further apart. At some point we realized we were on opposite ends of the lake, calling to each other but our voices were lost in the chaos of life and family.
We each felt alone and unsupported on our journey, but neither of us had the capacity, the skills, or the patience to try and communicate our thoughts and feelings. So we argued about things unrelated, we cried over issues that had little to do with us, we disagreed on the fundamentals of our world simply to make it seem like we were in control.
But we weren’t. Neither of us were.
At some point we looked around and wondered who we were, as individuals, as a couple, as a family. We realized that we had skipped out on some key conversations and we were letting ourselves and everyone else down. We were 8 years into our relationship, but had somehow never talked about how we saw our family. We were fumbling through our worlds together, but so alone.
That is no way to live.
So, after many tears and angry words, we stopped, and we acknowledged we needed to listen. We needed to reconnect. Reconnect with one another and with our children.
This weekend we spent a lot of time in nature, walking, holding hands and chatting. Phillip and Ollie talked, played and watched football together, while Maisey wondered around with her doggies, making everyone cups of tea and cakes. We sat by the fire and drank wine and cooked marshmallows. We pottered around the house. Phillip and I talked about how our family life could be smoother, how we can better support each other, and what the other needs.
We stopped and we listened.
Because life is what happens when you are busy making other plans, and we will be damned if we miss this glorious time.
Life is busy.
But if we don’t look after our relationships, it can also be very lonely.